Hello! Is this Gino’s Pizza?
No sir – it’s Google Pizza.
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
No sir – Google bought Gino’s Pizza last month.
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
Do you want your usual, sir?
My usual – you know me?
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage – pepperoni – mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.
OK – that’s what I want .
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta – arugula – sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?
What? I detest vegetables.
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
How the hell do you know?
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.
I bought more from another drugstore.
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
I paid in cash.
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
I have other sources of cash.
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
WHAT THE HECK? ! ! ! !
I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google – Facebook – Twitter – WhatsApp and all the others!!
I’m going to an island without internet – cable TV – where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me !!
I understand sir – but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.